Hey, kids and prototypes.
This is Minutes of Madness. I'm mad, I'm mad, I'm really mad.
Today's program is: Bacteria Blabs Enough.
But first two words and six letters from our sponsor, that's me. And they are: Google MadJoy. M A D J O Y.
And now back to today's program: Bacteria Blabs Enough.
MAD:
Blabbing for Bacteria today is our guest, Ms. E. Coli. Ms. Coli, will you please tell our listeners what thoughts you would like to share with us today.
ECOLI:
First I'd like to say, Thank you. Thank you for being brave enough to let the voice of this grossly misrepresented life form be heard.
I am here today to thank all the primates who have so selflessly contributed to the acceleration of evolution, despite the fact that it means their own extinction. We would like to thank those primates for being so altruistic. We are so glad that so many primates are anxious to evolve, and go extinct.
First, we would like to thank the primate international financial industrial complex, for drowning the whole planet in oil and plastic. This has led to global warming that will accelerate the evolution of primates, or lead to their total extinction, as well as every other animal, on this planet. We consider it one of primates greatest achievement in self immolation and the acceleration of evolution.
Second, we would like to thank the primate international financial chemical complex, for drowning the whole planet in evolution accelerating chemicals of all kinds. This includes pesticides, herbicides, and chemical fertilizers. It also includes synthetic medicines of all kinds, including estrogens and radioactive drugs. We would like to thank them for putting all those hormones and synthetic chemicals into their own food supply, their own bodies, and through their bodily waste products the whole environment, thus accelerating evolution for all. Special thanks for those anti bacterial soaps and products, aimed at spurring the evolution of stronger bacteria. And thanks for continuing to invent new pollutants, like nano particle metals, including silver, and even today, introducing them en mass without any kind of environmental testing. Even after learning that we all live in a chaotic universe, where even small changes can have big effects over the long term.
Finally, special mention and thanks to the Chinese Communist Party, and their Cronies, for conducting a vast experiment in primate evolution by adding Melamine, a chemical additive to create stronger plastics, to their whole food supply. Not just infant formula and milk, but to the feed of farm animals, and from there to primates where it can pass through their waste systems to the whole environment. We consider it beyond the call of duty that the Chinese Communist Party, and their Cronies, have sterilized a whole generation of Chinese children in order to produce a few, who have evolved to be able to reproduce on a steady diet of plastic friendly Melamine. Because every Chinese now under twelve, and all those foreign children, including Americans, Melamine is now found in their food supply too, who are fed food laced with Melamine, will have their reproductive lives effected. And those Chinese children who were young enough to get kidney stones, if they survive bouts of bladder and kidney cancer, will surely be sterile. All other children will have increased sterility rates, or increased birth defects in their own children. How selfless to sterilize a whole generation just to evolve a species that can live with plastic friendly Melamine in their diet.
And now that we Bacteria have evolved plastic eating bacteria, plastic life forms, including plastic people won't be far off.
Primates have worked so hard polluting this planet, so it is uninhabitable for themselves. At the same time, priming it for better plastic life forms, who will live long, stay young, and die fast, skipping old age. And life forms, who will this time, be well aware of just who their co evolving partners are. Bacteria Rule. So I am officially thanking primates for their contributions to evolution, and they are now being given their official notice of dismissal. Evolution is Extinction.Primates have worked so hard polluting this planet, so it is uninhabitable for themselves. At the same time, priming it for better plastic life forms, who will live long, stay young, and die fast, skipping old age. And life forms, who will this time, be well aware of just who their co evolving partners are. Bacteria Rule. So I am officially thanking primates for their contributions to evolution, and they are now being given their official notice of dismissal. Evolution is Extinction.
MAD:
But, Ms. Coli, you have indicated that primates are on an irreversible course of accelerated evolutionary change. How can primates go on with this knowledge?
ECOLI:
Do you mean what is life about, when it is no longer about the future, not just for an individual, but for a whole species? What is life about when your species has no future? Life is about what life has always been about, if primates weren't so intellectually infantile to notice. Life is never about the future, life is always about NOW, learning, sharing and playing with ALL, now. Have fun. There is no life after life for any animal. Seize the evolutionary wave of your own life, now.
MAD:
Well, thank you, Ms. Coli for your thoughts. And listeners, may the Bacteria be with you.
This is the End of another beginning, the beginning of another end.
Google Madjoy, M A D J O Y.
This is the end of these Minutes of Madness. stephensmj 2008
