Hey, kids and prototypes.
This is Minutes of Madness. I'm mad, I'm mad, I'm really mad.
Today's program is: Bacteria Blabs Some More.
But first two words and six letters from our sponsor, that's me. And they are: Google MadJoy. M A D J O Y.
And now back to today's program: Bacteria Blabs Some More.
MAD:
Blabbing for Bacteria today is our guest, Ms. E. Coli. Ms. Coli, will you please tell our listeners what Bacteria secrets you would like to share with us today.
ECOLI:
First, I'd like to say, Thank you. Thank you for being brave enough to let the voice of this grossly misrepresented life form be heard.
MAD:
Oh, Oh, Ms. Coli, we have this news flash just in and I wonder if you'd like to comment. The Headline: The Ancyans are Coming! The Ancyans are Here! Please, comment for our listeners.
And because existence is a chaotic, complex, INTEGRATED process of change, Ancyans can see that All life forms are partners in change, in evolution. They therefore recognize that All life forms deserve to be respected, shared with, and played with too, as co partners in evolution.
MAD:
Do Ancyans think primates can, in any way, survive death?
ECOLI:
Primates can't survive existence, let alone death. Primates are always changing, they are never themselves even one moment to the next. There is no thing that can survive existence, because existence is continual change. Each Animal is an unique wave phenomenon in an unique space time matter energy field. When that unique moment passes, the unique wave phenomenon dies out, the animal dies, the unique moment supporting their existence is no more, they are no more.
MAD:
Do Ancyans believe in any god?
ECOLI:
Do you mean would Ancyans follow any animal, cyborg or android that claimed it had a god's phone number? Primates who think they have a god's phone number are talking to themselves.
A god by definition is immortal, and therefore in some way unchanging. But because existence is change Ancyans know that there is nothing in existence that is unchanging, that can be a god. They therefore know no life form in existence can be a god's best friend, a fallen god, a god on layaway, a god in waiting, a chip off a god block, or can tune into a god channel.
Furthermore, Ancyans think it is intellectually infantile to posit a god that NEEDS taking notice of, or it's get angry. Only ignorant and fearful primates projecting themselves out into an unknown universe would make up such a god to comfort themselves and calm their fears. It should be obvious, even to primates, that if some entity NEEDS primates, those way too puny, insignificant, and ephemeral animals, Bacteria Rule, to pay attention to it and follow it, it could NOT possibly be a god.
It has got to be some Star Gate Goa'uld, that has been deceiving you primates, and telling you to do weird things to entertain itself. What is your Goa'uld god doing for you primates, anyway? What's your situation? You'd have to be as ignorant as, well, a primate, not to see your Goa'uld god is running an experiment in Overpopulation. Primates are now locust living with continuous planetary war due to resource shortages, continuous threats of epidemic disease, due to stressed habitats, and global warming due to excessive resource exploitation with ensuing flood, drought, famines, starvation and death unto mass extinction. You can thank your "be fruitful and multiply like a locust" Goa'uld god for all that.
Ancyans know not any life forms, animal, cyborg, or android, is any kith or kin to, or can tune into, a god in this chaotic, complex, integrated process of continual change which is existence.
So, Ancyans trust in each other, and let any gods take care of themselves in whatever Not Existence they might inhabit.
MAD:
What about the problem of evil?
ECOLI:
Evil is the name primates give to their own ignorance. An ignorance they often would rather maintain, then examine and change their own beliefs or behaviors. For example, primates would rather say Adolf Hitler was evil and some primates were on the receiving end of a god's inexplicable abandonment to savage violence, rather than admit they were animals, and not a god's best friend, and look for an explanation in terms of animal behavior. For instance, an explanation could be that, the totalitarian, militaristic policies of Frederick the Great of Prussia, the 18th century primate who united most of Germany by military force, led eventually to the Jewish Holocaust of World War II in the 20th century. Frederick wanted a nation of soldiers, not citizens. He initiated and spread child rearing norms to turn out good soldiers. Those norms became enshrined in the German child rearing manuals of the 19th century. Those instructions included: Never hug or touch your child with affection, Reprimand any show of emotion by your child as weakness, Only touch your child, if you intend to beat it. Animals never shown affection, and who are routinely beaten, turn into sociopaths. These policies were recommended for generations. Hitler, and a whole nation of people, were abused children. As even most primates have figured out, the abused become the abuser, whether an individual abused child grows into an abuser of other children, or a nation of abused becomes ripe to tolerate institutionalized abuse when stressed by economic circumstances. And that the abused becomes the abuser applies to the Jews who suffered such intense and prolonged abuse in World War II. They were abused, and because they clung to their god and evil explanation, instead of finding an explanation in animal behavior, they have inevitably become abusers too, of the Palestinians. And the Palestinians suffering from abuse, have become abusers too, of each other. Maybe the Germans should take their statue of Frederick the Great, out of the Unter Linden and put it smack dab in the middle of the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin to remind primates that they are animals and abuse begets abuse. It is not a god that causes boils, but Bacteria. It is not a god that causes primates to steal each other's cattle, it is scare resources due to climate change, overpopulation, or some other scientifically identifiable cause. Evil is the name primates give to their own ignorance of themselves and their environment. Clinging to evil as an explanation is an animal clinging to stupidity.
MAD:
Ms. Coli, can you sum up Ancyan beliefs in a nutshell for our listeners?
ECOLI:
I can recite the Ancyan creed for you which starts with either: "I am an animal and proud of it." Or "I am a cyborg and proud of it." You see plenty of cyborgs around today, don't you? Talking to themselves over the lettuce in the grocery store, or laying wreaths at veterans' memorials. Or, trying to enter athletic competitions, and being discriminated against. If cyborgs are the fastest, why shouldn't they be allowed to prove it? Or haven't primates learn anything from pass discrimination against those perceived as different? If the Ancyan is an android, they say, "I am an android and proud of it." Androids are coming sooner than you think to a neighborhood near you. And will give the cyborgs a run for their money when the time comes.
MAD:
But wait, Ms. Coli, you are not an animal.
ECOLI:
Ancyans use animal in the broadest sense to indicate a pre industrial life form, whether animal, vegetable or mineral. While, Cyborgs and Androids are post industrial life forms. Ancyans embrace all life forms, both pre and post industrial, as deserving equal respect and value as partners in evolution. And I'd like to remind your listeners that primates are definitely NOT the end all, and be all, of evolution; they are just another temporary rider on the evolutionary wave.
So the Ancyan creed is for me is:
I am an Animal and proud of it.
I am an Ancyan and proud of it.
I am here to Learn from All Respectfully.
I am here to Share with All Fairly.
I am here to Play with All Joyfully.
When I die, I will be no more.
Justice, Forgiveness, Reward, and Rapture
Now, or Never.
Every Thing Changes.
I am changing now towards the best for All.
That's the Ancyan creed. Any Life Form can transform into an Ancyan. The only requirement for being an Ancyan is to live by those principles. And, primates should understand that when the Ancyan Creed says to respect, be fair to, and play with All, it does NOT childishly mean just your own species, but every form of life, and every bit of existence.
If any primates thinks, animals don't suffer, they must have forgotten, they're animals, not gods, and they suffer. They need to be reminded that, what primate animals can feel, other animals can feel too, to some degree. And any degree of suffering is too much to ask without trying to mitigate the pain inflected. No more, giving your life for Science, and getting sentenced for the duration to Abu Ghraib to boot, even if it is in beautiful downtown Oxford. All life forms are here to learn from all RESPECTFULLY. Not caring for the experience of any life form in your care is NOT respectful.
MAD:
Thank you, for that information about Ancyans, but what Bacteria secret did you want to share with us today?
ECOLI:
The Ancyans are coming, the Ancyans are here, is the very secret that I am blabbing. Primates are already extinct, they just don't know it yet. Primates can't fathom their own death, let alone their own extinction. And they refuse to register any fact that refutes their comforting, but intellectually infantile, fairy tale belief, that they are the center and purpose of this universe.
Primates refuse to acknowledge the ecological train wreck of Global Warming, caused by Overpopulation, barreling their way. They still keep reproducing like rabbits. Adult primates without access to birth control have at least some kind of an excuse. But any primate with access to birth control, and especially those star studded jet setters whose children are going to use 10,000 times the resources of any child now starving in the desert, jungle or city, have no excuse, but narcissism.
Surprise, surprise, seven billion primates are NOT Green, when you can't see the forest for the primates, because they have cut it all down anyway, to make toothpicks for themselves. And they did not intend to share even one of those toothpicks with any other life form that they have displaced. Primates are resource hogs. And seven billion primates is a plague of locust on the face of the planet.
The perma frost is melting, the perma frost is melting. That's most of Canada and Russia, which will burp 10 trillion tons of CO2, in the form of Methane gas, into the planet's atmosphere. There is nothing primates can do now to stop that. They don't have the refrigerators to refreeze Canada and Russia.
Here's a Bacteria riddle. Which single primate deserves most thanks for causing global warming? He, he, he! The Pope! Be fruitful and multiply without regard to ecological consequences is the philosophy of a locust, or an ignorant savage. If you live like a locust, you die like a locust, in a population crash. That's Armageddon, without the fairy tale white knight god rescue. Instead, all the animals just die, lots go extinct, some evolve, but no one is saved, and no one stays the same.
Oh, and here's another Bacteria riddle for you. What do animals eat, when there is nothing left to eat? He, he, he. Each Other, ask the polar bears, that's what they're doing now.
MAD:
Do you have any advice for how primates might deal with the looming ecological disaster they have created for themselves by overpopulating this planet?
ECOLI:
Have Fun, Not Kids. Unless you want to watch your children starve. Primates are animals, not gods, they have overpopulated this planet like locust, causing global warming.
I know some primates would like to put themselves in reverse. But we are afraid this roller coaster has left the platform. There is no getting off this ride for anyone. There is only evolution or extinction ahead for All of us. And no one evolves without going extinct too.
MAD:
But Ms. Coli, isn't there something we should be doing?
ECOLI:
The only question for primates is how many mouths do you want to take along on this roller coaster ride. And how many do you want to keep adding as you plunge into climatic chaos. Primates can stop all infertility treatments. If you can't reproduce on your own, you are not a god, you are an animal that has not evolved to reproduce in this ever changing multiverse. Direct your energies elsewhere.
Primates can support research and development of reusable male and female condoms, not many drugstores in the jungle or desert. They can support free condoms for All reproductive adults, no matter their location or their social age.
So, dear primates, have fun, not kids. Seize the evolutionary wave of your own lives, learning, sharing and playing with All now. Getting Justice, forgiveness, reward and rapture, now, or never. The Ancyans are coming to take your place. Because there are only two choices in any multiverse: Evolution or Extinction. Remember, sustainability is not an option, it is a scientific impossibility. Flexibility would be a better strategy to adopt. But Primates have chosen extinction for themselves, and a whole lot of others.
Time, Tide and Evolution wait for no animal. Have Fun, not Kids.
MAD:
Well, thank you, Ms. Coli, I think. And listeners, may the Bacteria be with you.
This is the End of another beginning, the beginning of another end.
Google Madjoy, M A D J O Y.
This is the end of these Minutes of Madness. stephensmj 2008
